I Lack judgment

That's right, I lack judgment. And possibly a working memory.

Last year, after another season of snowboarding, I told myself that I was done. Snowboarding hurts my knees so much that it affects the other sports I do. Those other sports are more important to me than a few weekend on the snow each year, so I told myself I'd quit.

I must not have meant it, I didn't sell my gear.

It's snow season again and like a brainiac I got excited and signed up for a few boarding trips. Spur of the moment, I jumped in with some friends for a quick weekend get-away to Mammoth.

Day 1: snowing hard. Windy, cold, foggy, cold. Cold. My out of shape legs burned with each turn, but it felt good to be back on the snow, never mind that little click in my good knee.

Day 2: beautiful, sunny, powder! Amazing day of riding. Tree runs in foot deep pow-pow. Riding through the trees off chair 9 I had a bad toe-side turn. Cut too hard and came to a stop and crunch, my good knee goes down in the snow.

I knew right away I did something bad. It wasn't extremely painful, but it didn't feel normal and I had visions of the days in college when I walked around with loose cartilage floating around inside my other knee.

I managed to ride down the mountain somehow, but the moment I took off my board, I knew I was done. I could barely stand.

Limped back to the condo; showered, iced, Alieved, thought

"Why did I snowboard again?"
"I knew this would happen!"
"What about the future trip that's already paid for?"
"You're an idiot"
"What about the kiteboarding trip next weekend?"
"What about kiteboarding?!?!"
"What if I have to go through that cartilage surgery again?"
"Why am I such an idiot?"
"Why can't my body keep up with me?"

Saw the ortho doc today. Xrays look fine, ligaments are fine, knee cap is floating in fluid, disgusting popping noises when moved, need an MRI to see if I tore a meniscus or developed a new cartilage hole like my other knee. Either way it's not good, my season is over, my kiteboarding trip ruined, my mood lowered, my plans for the future quickly altered. All from one bad turn...

So, in the end, what's better; living for each moment while it lasts, milking life for every drop, or being conservative and carefully planning for the future?

What if that future never comes?

What if it does?