K3rM1t: Best email I've ever received

Last night, I dropped my new 9'6" board off at a friend's house to store it overnight with the assumption I would pick it up early this morning to go surfing. Unfortunately, I overslept and was not able to grab it before my first morning meeting. With the realization that it was a beautiful sunny day and my brand new board was sitting in the sun, wax melting, dying a slow death from the sun, I emailed my buddy to whine and tell him I'd pick it up first thing tomorrow.

This is the email I got back:

Hello Mr. [K3rM1t],

The management of the Three Palms Estate wishes to extend its sincere apologies for not sending out this email to your graciousness sooner than this dreadfully tardy hour. Our delay was only due to having a lot of work to do at our day job at the [redacted] Company in San Diego. Regardless, we wish to inform you that your board and wetsuit are safe and secure on our premesis. In anticipation of the possibility of your inability to arrive before the sun reached an azimuthal angle of greater than 20 degrees with the horizon (therefore potentially exposing your surfing vehicle to damaging ultraviolet and infrared sunlight rays), we have taken the liberty of implementing the following actions on said surfing vehicle:

(1) Board was rotated 180 degrees about its longitudinal axis, thereby exposing its waxy surface to our cool, lush vegetative garden foliage

(2) Board was wrapped in the style of a Mexican burrito inside a blue tarp for sunlight protection

We are of the highest hope that these actions will sufficiently protect your gracious surfing vehicle until your future arrival time at the Three Palms Estate. We wish you a most enjoyable day and future surfing adventure. Please feel free to enter the estate at your leisure and retrieve your surfing vehicle for a most glorious session at the surfing location of your choosing.

Good day and best wishes,

[name redacted]

Three Palms Estate Executive Manager